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Be happy

 

Why not be simply happy - ways from feelings of guilt, depression and fear -
Why is my glass always half-empty and not half-filled?


With negative thinking we set for ourselves a trap. Feelings of guilt and coated expectations, depression and hysteria, fear of exclusion and inferiority complicated, phobias, self-deceptions and displacement mechanisms - all these being off sick behaviour patterns shut to a self-destructive vicious circle from which there seems to be no escape.


Penelope Russianoff, the known American psychotherapist, shows in this book that it is possible to transform our negative feeling creation into a positive one.


Headword-like summary of the behaviour patterns and proposals to the therapy of the precalled book: The most frequent negative emotional habits are a depression, feeling of guilt, refusal, fear, low self-esteem, fury, helplessness, selfreproaches, hysteria and different phobias.


Negativism - statements


If sometimes goes a little bit flatly, I am properly disturbed, I think, immediately happens a misfortune.
If I count on a miss, I cannot be disappointed.
I go through the life and feel unsound constantly.
I am always annoyed.
I have constantly feelings of guilt what I also undertake.
Everything what I during attack takes fails.
Nothing risquély, nothing lost.
I am afraid to fail.


Existential fear


Fear of human suture - no contact with other = isolation. Excuses are searched to escape a meeting to experience no exclusion or refusal.
Quite a smaller first step must be done which always a little bigger follow like by itself, we must stop using excuses. To itself a temporal margin place from the loneliness to find out put into action a plan.
Despondence
We must stop to pity to ourselves that we are not able a little bit. We must say ourselves loudly - the ears must hear it: Yes, I can change. I can do at least my best to change. I can try it.


Helplessness


Emotionally bad habits guarantee discontent, like a wrong entrance on the highway, it returns apparently nobody. Negative habits, are not treated, destroy a part of our personality. We must find courage to the return.
The habit of the depression takes us joy. The habit of the feelings of guilt torments our conscience. The fear of exclusion leads us to the social suicide. Selfreproaches lead to selfhatred. Our body suffers from as usual negative behaviour. We can defend ourselves against it:


Mrs. Russianoff asks here mostly provocatively, around the people wachzurütteln, for which you would sacrifice your life? Here everybody is made look in itself hineinzuhorchen and his intrinsic values. Or completely einfach:. what you would best act at this moment? Also this question makes us recognise our own wishes. Free themselves of forced stereotypes and admit the deeply concealed talents and wishes.


If the question appears what the people will think, this is a sign that one has gone to ruin to the negative thinking. Instead, we should ask ourselves: What do I think? What is right for me? what do I want for myself? More importantly still: How can I change my way of thinking? what do I expect from the life - for myself?
Maturity means responsibility to take over for own person and to find own lysises. We ourselves are the only person who can leave us! At last we bear alone the responsibility for our own life.


Excuses - excuses


Excuses deliver reasons of our inaction to us. We are excuses crutches on support us. By an excuse we give to understand: if you see, it is not my guilt.


If we do not come in the morning from the bed if we move over an unbeloved work before ourselves, we always find a suitable excuse to remain with this bad habit.
The emotional gravitation seems invincible. The inertia is to be defeated only in the direct fight against the feelings. As soon as we take the first hurdle and escape from the lethargy, we can turn around the law of the emotional gravitation.


Application, taking part, obligations come, this is the best medicine against emotional symptoms of paralysis. We are from nature from curious, searching, creative beings, we do something, we immediately start.


Tape recorder anew record - feelings of guilt switch off


By the past action or a conversation feelings of guilt have arisen afterwards, we would have a little better can make or say.


Notes make, go through, think about alternative answers, for comparable situations in the future new, better answers find - simply the tape recorder record anew. If they are depressed, consider what has brought on this state? How long has it lasted? What helped to escape from it?


We feel pained by answers of others, and hatch for days over it after and become more and more furious and more irritating about a remark which we take up in our negative consciousness as an insult. As soon as we have recognised that our general discontent occasion are for these negative thoughts, we have recognised the problem.


Bewusstmachung leads the way of the motivation. If we recognise what forms the basis of our negative mood, we are able to find the motivation for the change.


Well try to persuade themselves


To themselves well try to persuade is the most effective method to escape from negative thoughts. If they have hurt somebody or have injured, something moves, something has broken by her guilt, they have missed a coach, they do not insult themselves, the words go from the mouth to the ears and settle in the head.
Instead of castigating with selfreproaches, they well try to persuade themselves: I have made a mistake, well, already it seems, but I will better pay attention next sometimes. Or: it are in order a treasure, but maybe not quite perfectly, but o.k.


They will concern the next job with self-esteem and assurance and make them better. If they well try to persuade themselves and they treat themselves as tolerant as they would also do it with anyone. If they take as given there with all inadequacy.


We do not motivate ourselves, while we are proved how stupidly or worthless we are. We motivate ourselves if we say ourselves that we are a charming person with occasional infirmities. The people who incline to mistakes, but which own ability to change posotiv.


A fatty does not decrease from the fact that he hates his body and his fat, he is motivated rather by his slender to Me as well as the wish to bring out this desirable I.


From my view - from your view


We perceive all world differently. The perceptions in all areas have passed away from every person and from every view.


To an accusation does not react violently separate explains that you see from your view the state of affairs completely different and perceive. This technology provides for understanding and gives to the other the possibility to save his face.


One can pull this technology slightly postcompletely, while one confronts 2 chairs and moves himself in each case into both interlocutors. They can play through thus every situation, also a conversation with the boss around a content projection.


Self-assurance - the emotial positive habit


If they let themselves from nobody in a role would penetrate which they would not want from whole heart; whether it is in a visit or with an engagement, they allow to not identify about themselves and they make her decisions themselves.


They degrade themselves, while they can be manipulated by others and cling to dependence with the etiquettes: bad self-esteem, shyness and passiveness. If they explain from her view the refusal that they can plan something else in the certain time and not keep to the invitation, to the visit or a common engagement to food and become.


Self-confident voice


Self-assurance is an internal adjustment, a position and a certain quality of the vocal position. If we speak clearly and with firmness, the people are ready to take us with the word. We provide authority, give with our occurrence to understand that we know what we speak of. The sound of our voice signals our firmness, our assurance or our fears and insecurity. The people who sound at least in such a way as know them what they speak of, emit a certain incontestability.


The technology of the self-assurance and firmness can be learnt by constant repeating of a thing, a request - like the jump in a record-. It succeeds if we cannot be disconcerted or changed the subject. This is valid by the exchange in a business just as at home if we ask the partner over and over again for the fact that he calls with a delay to be expected. If they have waited once again long, they go out without news to leave. They react to later reproaches calmly possibly without apologising.


Exclusion: Learn to endure an exclusion and you reject; risk an exclusion. Who does not reject and is not rejected, quite simply does not live!


Learn to move, on the marketplace of friendship, work and love instead of running away. They will not always win. If you have learnt first of all to hear no the word without losing the version, you are to be seen yourselves on the best way, her negative habit, as a rejected to put away.


If they look by three windows


1. Window: the objective facts of the event.
2. Window: her personal perception of the event.
3. Window: all thinkable up explanations of the connections of the event.
Acceptance and exclusion, the normal change cases of the life.


Play before an application, a conversation ectr. all change cases Yes... No by what can happen. They are better prepared to handle with what will happen; above all if the result is negative. Make nothing for the applause, do it because it fulfils you with satisfaction, fun or pride.
If you get no praise or thanks for the flowers, an attention, the convalescense wishes, are glad about the fact that you could give a pleasure. If not, get a philosophical position. Do not commit the mistake and feel low-spirited, injured or rejected.


Secret contracts


Expect for no reason from the children parents relatives a claim to fulfilment of secret contracts and here a duty on consideration exists; or because you have done something for another for which you expect now his devotion to duty / consideration.


The secret contract is a clear request on the disappointment, irritation, fury and exclusion. We have no right to ask from others, to keep to a secret contract, just as little we are bound to him, only because he has originated in the head of the other. The experiment to bind somebody to a secret contract, resembles the expectations to have earned praise, gratitude and compliments.


Column of the assurance in us build up


We can learn a position of the self-assurance. If we begin with the position: Shoulders just and tightly, not sunken. On the whole seat sit, not on the Stuhlkante. Arms laxly from the body remotely, chin just. Feet stand firmly on the ground.


Properly, I feel fine and calm, I feel the column of the assurance. I can think enough time to - I cannot be thrown off to say something or to act, before I am ready for it, before I have thought through the thing.


Ready for the Work


If they are not official in her professional life, they do not try to want to be better by more and more work than the others. The screw of the achievement is turned by them higher and higher whom they cannot fulfil then one day any more.


Particularly the people who have succeeded to themselves from own strength and particularly women in the high management or engineers to call only one example. A strengthened personality grows out of this syndrome after certain time. Most people reach to a point where they recognise that they earn her success. They have been put not because of her exceedingly excessive achievements in the company or were looked with the boss, but because of her good qualities.


The trickster's syndrome is no rare form of low self-esteem which can be very paralyzing; people the joy in her success takes, she leads to get through unnecessary fears and sits down and other under stress. Also this is an emotionally bad habit which can be filed.


Depressions


Depressions are basically useless, they paralyze us in all areas of our life, however, we carry them in ourselves and they can do harm to us seriously. "Dejection is a useless emotion."
The clinical symptoms of the depression are sadness, insomnia, early waking, suicide thought, unrest, irritability, loss of appetite, fatigue, inability to concentrate. The depression has become the emotionally bad habit which can be filed.


To experiments to value you, every pessimistic thought and every sadness with a score, do this resembles with her positive experiences and happy experiences and thoughts. Deal with the result and try to bring from yourselves from additional positive experiences and therefore points the day. If you notice, you are in a depressive position, try to make to something for you the particularly nice, there is the best here motion, because the organism releases at activities to endorphin, these work like natural pep pills which have a calming, at the same time euphoric effect on the brain. To endorphin look mild and move to us one into natural high spirits.


Are active in any manner physically, work the way up in sweat. Overexert yourselves physically! - it is not to be light, at the same time afraid and tired - nervously and is pumped out. A feeling substitutes for the other.


Phobias and compulsions - prisons of the soul


Phobias are prisons which are built because of groundless fears:


to great fear to mount an airplane


gruesome fear of doctors incapable,


to cross a bridge in panic advisably with the thought, to take an exam.


Phobias paralyze us, they exclude us from normal activities of the life. They count to the most restraining negative emotional habits. Fear is one of these undeterminable feelings. We feel them, but we do not know exactly what we feel and why. Use a notebook, and write down the single beginnings of the fear.


Fear


Because fear is a physical as well as emotional state, she also responds to physical measures. Relaxation technologies can be used efficiently to the removal by fear, just as meditation.


To experiments you it with a Jakob's relaxation technology: lie down, a small cushion under the knees, the hands are opened, take a deep breath and quietly in the abdomen. Concentrate upon the right foot and say him, he should relax. Make it with every other part of the body just. Let go her body completely and you feel the pleasant relaxation. Let pleasant thoughts pass, they look positive.


With phobias - fear of certain things: are founded for every fear a stair with passed away to many degrees. From experiments to take you, the first degree by eternal repeating of the first fear-making step the fear. If you have neither palpitation nor inhibitions more before it, take the afterwards degree etc. If we a thing which makes us fear, 10 spot repeat and identify that she has no awful consequences - she loses her fright.
Phobias are accessible to no reason. To release us from phobias, we must disassemble them in her components and master them after the row.


Epilogue


We summarise once again: To change our ability to ourselves and our sphere, is the real statement of this book. We are not tied up or are condemned for good, by our chronically negative behaviour - we can change it and us.


Our negative reactions are mostly habits at which we look falsely as with our being grown together - we can change them. A large part of our negative behaviour is the result of our submission under the stereotypes and norms of our society.#


We can change. We can file our negative emotional habits. We are not held on on lifetime in it. We cannot change simply the society in which we became hineingeboren, but we can change the position to her towards.

 

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